If you're lonely, DON'T do what this lady did!

As I'm sitting here typing this, I'm cringing.

Full article here and here.

Sex education

When I was in school, sex education was where you learned where babies came from. It was about the birds and the bees. Some Italian kids got A LOT more though. The teacher ended up talking about sadomasochism, genital piercings, and bondage!!

Full article.

Pimp pays with chicken nuggets

An Australian man and his girlfriend were scrapping by just to pay their $1,050 rent on their apartment in Brisbane. So, the two geniuses hatched a plan to pimp out a 16 year old girl that had runaway from home.

The girl made about $4,500 last June sleeping with men. The geniuses used the extra money for living expenses and paid the girl with an occasional box of chicken nuggets.

Full article here.

Man fires shot at McDonald's because it wasn't lunch yet

I get pissy when I'm hungry. I really do, but I would NEVER shoot a gun at someone over food.

A couple of guys tried to order lunch at a drive-thru window of McDonald's in Salt Lake City. The employee told them they were still serving breakfast. Next thing the employee knows, a guy pulled out a sawed off shot gun and shot at the window! MADNESS!

Article here.

Child care workers threatened to cut off boy's penis

A mother and daughter duo who ran a day care in Australia admitted to holding a knife to a four year old boy and threatened to cut his penis off. They say it was to get the little boy to stop exposing himself.

Other children had witnessed the incident as well. Can you imagine how traumatized these kids are or will be?

Full story here.

"I'm smooth"

This guy who said "I'm smooth" as he was being led out of court, is being called the "dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania" by police. This 19 year old guy tried to rob a cop in the bathroom at a police officers' convention! Yeah, smart ain't he?

Full story here.

Man gets $8.6 million for crashing into wild pigs

The State of California is to pay $8.6 million to a motorcyclist who was severely injured when he hit six wild boars on a state highway in 2003.The jury ruled that the state was responsible for Adam Rogers' injuries because officials knew that wild pigs regularly crossing a stretch of Highway 1 just south of the Carmel River were creating a dangerous situation, but they did nothing about it. Rogers, 45, suffered serious injuries and is now confined to a wheelchair. He and his wife sued the state Department of Transportation in Monterey County Superior Court.

Isn't the State already in a financial crisis? I mean aren't they seriously in the hole?

DOT attorneys unsuccessfully argued that the State can't control and is not responsible for the actions of wild animals. Who is? Besides, Rogers was drunk when the crash happened. But, as everyone knows, you can sue for anything in the U.S.


Full story here.

ShamWow guy in jail

We've all seen the annoying ShamWow commercials. The guy on there, Vince Shlomi was arrested last month for a felony. He met up with a prostitute in South Beach, Florida and things got heated. Shlomi forked over a grand to the prostitute. He went to kiss her and apparently she bit his tone. He then punched her so she'd let go.

I guess maybe he's really not all that interested in what little career he has?

Full story with images and a copy of the police report on The Smoking Gun.

Boy in twilight zone

An 13 year old boy has been caught biting 11 people at his school. His dad said his son didn't meant to hurt anyone, and that he was influenced by the movie Twilight. But my question is don't vampires bite with the intention of harm like SUCKING your blood?!

Article here.

Arrested three times in a row for DUI

A 60 year old Washington state woman was arrested for driving drunk three times in three days! All of this was during her vacation to Wisconsin.

Her first arrest was March 11 when a cop saw her try to drive out of a ditch. She had on one shoe and her blood alcohol level (BAL) was 0.21. The legal limit is 0.08 which is a pretty common limit for most states.

She was arrested 24 hours later where she admitted she had about six cups of wine. She spent 12 hours in jail, was released, and busted again.

Now she's serving 30 days in jail. How much do you want to bet she'll be caught as soon as she gets out?

Article here.

Need a bit of energy?

If you're feeling a bit sluggish and you feel you need a pick-me-up, how about adding some meth to a glass of water?

A man in Washington state added some meth to his wife's water hoping it would give her energy to clean the house.

First off, his wife was breastfeeding their three month old child, and if he thought the house needed cleaning, why couldn't he do it himself?

Article here.

Happy Friday!

Is this becoming a trend?

It seems that police ticketing people rushing to the hospital is becoming a troubling trend.

Read the article on dallasnews.com, and there's a video of the dash camera from the policeman's car.

Man gets 90 days in prison for having sex with a vacuum

A 29 year old Michigan man was caught having sex with a car wash vacuum. I wonder how much that hurt.

Article here.

Shall we add a little salt to that wound?

Megan Gillan, a 15 year old from Manchester, U.K. died suddenly two months ago. Her parents were just about to go back to work after dealing with the death of their child, but then her school sent a letter saying her attendance needs to improve if she wants to attend the prom at the end of the school year.

What?! Yeah, the school blamed it on a "software problem." Uh huh. Anytime someone is blamed for something stupid like this, ALWAYS blame it on the computer system.

Megan's mother said:

I screamed when I first saw it. If they want her to attend that much I'll take Megan's remains. It's disgusting.
Megan doesn't go to that school anymore. She's been dead for two months now so it's not surprising her attendance is low. I was pulling myself together to go back to work, but receiving the letter has just floored me.

Article and image via Manchester Evening News.

Mom dies in car while son gets ticket

A Memphis man was driving his 83 year old mom to the hospital when he was pulled over by the county sheriff's deputy. He was pulled over for an expired license plate.

The man, Wayne Ables asked the deputy to follow him to the hospital (which was less than a mile away), but the deputy refused and went ahead and wrote out the ticket, and ran a license and insurance check. All the while, Mr. Ables' mother was dying in the backseat.

Vernice Ables', Wayne's mom, suffered from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and had stopped breathing.

Article and image via here.

Stink-free underwear

Textile experts at Japan Women's University in Tokyo have come up with stink-free underwear. A Japanese astronaut is testing them out during his stay at the International Space Station. The line is called J-ware.

Apparently, the underwear kills bacteria, absorbs water, insulates the body and dries quickly. They also are flame-resistant and anti-static. Ok, so why does the underwear need to absorb water? Also, why do they need to be flame-resistant? Those two points aren't working for me.

The manufacturers plan to make the underwear available to NASA and other space stations. A commercial line is also in the works.

Maybe the underwear will come in handy after a night of Mexican or East Indian food. The kid in Florida sure could have used a pair!

Article is here.

Update on breast thief

Remember when we posted about Yvonne Pampellonne who committed fraud and stole a pair of breasts? Well, she turned herself in.

Read about her and let me know if you laughed at the last question.

Article and image via APP.

Auction off your virginity

A Romanian girl is auctioning off her virginity in hopes of paying for school. She does go on to say that she's hoping to find her husband in the process. Is she going to school for a Mrs degree? Actually, I knew a few girls who were hoping to obtain that degree when I was in school.

Anyways, she's hoping to raise $73,000 but has only managed to raise $7,300 and there's only three days left on the auction. The winning bidder gets a dirty weekend with the eighteen year old, but he has to pay for everything for both people. The perks? He gets to have UNPROTECTED sex with the girl. How classy. IF she's raising this money for school and she has unprotected sex, does she think she's going to able to finish? What happens if she gets some kind of STD that she can't scrub off with AJAX, or ends up pregnant?

Article via The Sun.

Farting on a school bus can get you kicked off

An eighth-grader at the Bill Duncan Excel Center in South Lakeland, Florida was suspended from riding the school bus for three days after a farting incident.

The eighth-grader says it wasn't him. He says that it was the kid in front of him. However, the bus driver claims that the smell was so pungent he couldn't breathe.

Has it come down to policing the body functions of students now? What if he had beans, Mexican, or East Indian food?

Article here.

Mom gets ticket while resuscitating son

Penny Batkin was on her way to the hospital with her four year old son when he started turning blue in the car. She stopped and was in the process of resuscitating him when she got a parking ticket!

She explained the situation and guess what? They won't take the ticket back!

Article here.

Woman steals new breasts

A woman from Orange County, California is being accused of stealing a pair of new breasts and then doing a runner.

Thirty year old Yvonne Pampellonne used someone else's identity to pay for liposuction and a breast implants. She was successful in having the procedures done under a false name, but she never returned for any of the follow-up appointments.

How desperate can you get? Isn't finding a job or keeping a roof over your head more important?

Article and image via nbcwashington.com.

Octo-mom fires free nanny

Read the article for yourself and make your own judgments. I'll keep my mouth shut on this one.

Article

Burglar gets stuck in vent

A 21 year old burglary suspect got stuck in an air vent of the pizza restaurant he was robbing Friday morning. Firefighters were called in to help free the criminal.

The firefighters (who had nothing better to do than to rescue this idiot) had to cut the vent open and remove part of the ceiling. The Einstein was still hanging from the vent by his clothes, and hollering in pain. They cut him free from his jumpsuit and the guy landed stark naked.

Article and image thedenverchannel.com.

"I'm stealing vodka, call the cops"

A Vero Beach, Florida man walked up to a liquor store counter to report a crime — the one he was about to commit.

Michael Anthony Sessions, 49, grabbed a bottle of Gilbey’s Vodka from the liquor store and told the cashier he wasn’t paying for it.

“I’m stealing this and going around back to drink it,” Sessions told the woman Thursday. “Call the cops.”

An Indian River County Sheriff’s deputy found Sessions in the woods behind the store, drinking the $16 bottle of vodka. The deputy charged Sessions with retail theft and took him to the Indian River County Jail, where he remained Monday in lieu of a $500 bail.

Woman harassed online can't be helped

Barbara Goddard, a 65 year old woman from Virginia, is being harassed online and the police can't help her. Someone posted an ad on Craigslist with her information advertising a night of casual sex.

Men kept showing up at her door and she kept explaining that she didn't post the ad. The police have stepped up patrols in her neighborhood, and even had a cop in her apartment building but it didn't stop the men from coming. Goddard even got 100 phone calls at work one day! She even left a note on her front door saying that it was a hoax, but the ad on Craigslist said to ignore the sign on the front door and bang on the patio door.

Police say they have an idea of who it might be, but can't prove who the culprit is because it's so easy to change your identity online. The men can't be charged because they were "invited."

The harassment has gone on for 18 months. That's a year and a half! You'd think that in this modern era where computers do EVERYTHING for us, we'd be able to modify our laws to protect people from crimes happening online.

Article here. Image via Rape Response Services.

Octo-mom says her life is crazy

Image via Zimbio

Nadya Suleman admitted that her life is hectic. Well, no shit Sherlock! You've got 14 kids! There's 8 itty-bitty babies, six other toddlers, you're on food stamps and welfare, and you've just moved into a new house. OF COURSE LIFE IS GONNA BE CRAZY!

By the way, has anyone wondered if this woman is in over her head financially how does she keep up her nails? French manicures don't come cheap.

Check out the video.

Why not carve your name on someone?

This is just totally crazy. Some chick in Britain got drunk and high with some dude she met in a club, and the dude decided to go back to her place. Fair enough. People meet other people in clubs and go back to others place for some hanky-panky. But that's not what the guy got. Instead he woke up to carvings on his body and one carving was her name on his arm!

Image and article via The Mail.

Update on Dad of the year

[Image via Mirror]


Josef Fritzl, the Austrian Dad of the year has been sentenced to life in a psychiatric ward. Personally, I think he needs to be locked up in a dark, damp dungeon for the rest of his miserable life.

Another man with two wives

A Kansas man had two wives living in the same apartment complex. Ol' boy got some balls don't he? He was finally caught out when the two wives got into a scuffle.

Your weekly Chris Crocker

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!!

Would $53,000 a week be enough for you?

I don't know about you but if I had $53,000 a week, then that would be just fine with me. I would be able to buy a few things (ok, I mean a lot of things), put some money aside, and a lot of other things.

A Swedish Countess, Marie Douglas-David, is in the middle of divorce proceedings with her soon to be ex-husband George Daivd. He's the former chief executive for Hartford-based United Technologies Corp. but is still chairman of the board and has an estimated net worth of $329 million.

I don't know what I'd do if my net worth was that much. But of course, you have to keep the wifey comfortable and accustomed to the life she's used to living right? With the age difference, you know someone married someone just for the money. Can you say Anna Nicole Smith? Can you hear the violins playing in the background for this woman? I'm shedding a tear for her right now.

Article here.

Diners continue eating as man is stabbed

I've heard of people being a bit desensitized to crime, but this is crazy. At a Burger King in Manchester, U.K. (where on my favorite shows Coronation Street takes place), a man was stabbed six times on a Saturday afternoon while diners in a packed Burger King continued to eat! The restaurant that serves the oh so good for your heart food was packed after a soccer game.

Article is here.

Suicide Forest

Maybe the AIG executives should go here. Read the article on how the modern Great Depression is taking its toll on the Japanese.

Robbers rob fellow robbers

Masked men, precious stones and gems, automatic weapons, and safes. What does this bring to mind? A jewelry store robbery right?

Well, two men from Wisconsin just robbed a jewelry store only to find another group of robbers were waiting for them. Both groups didn't get far before the police caught up to them.

Article is here.

Light bulb thiefs

If you were going to steal something wouldn't you hide your identity? Better yet, wouldn't you go for something more expensive than light bulbs?

Several people in Indiana were caught stealing light bulbs from an office building. Wane.com has photos of the dummies from surveillance cameras that were in the building. They managed to steal $400 worth of light bulbs.

What are they going to do with office light bulbs. Most of the light bulbs used in offices are the long fluorescent ones. What are they gonna do? Are they gonna pretend that they're light sabres from Star Wars?

Man cons Apple

A man in Indiana got Apple to send him 9,000 iPod shuffles for two years. Nicholas Arthur Woodhams sold the iPods online for about $49 each.

The Feds seized loads of money, real estate, and an Ariel Atom 2 racing car.

For those of you who don't know, an Ariel Atom is a high-end racing car. In the U.S., an Ariel Atom 2 can run you a pretty penny. They can be $1,000 and on up.

Mom beat up principal

A Rhode Island woman punched and bit her son's principal after discovering her son was suspended from school. Apparently the woman did something to the cops cause she's being charged with assault on an officer as well as an assault on school officials and resisting an arrest.

What a way to set an example for your kid.

Say goodbye to your Brazilian

The State of New Jersey is considering a ban on the Brazilian wax. Two women were injured. Both were hospitalized because of an infection but one is launching a law suit.

These women knowingly went in to get your nether regions de-haired knowing it's gonna hurt like hell. It's not like plucking your eyebrows. There's hot wax involved. The wax goes on your skin, coating the "forest," and a piece of cloth is placed over it. Then the cloth is pulled away like a band-aid. An infection is probably gonna set in. She's stupid for going ahead with the suit.

What would you replace your finger with?

You've just got to read the article and see the photo.

Eat your garbage or else!

A 67 year old teacher in Connecticut made her kindergarten student eat his lunch from the trash after he threw it out. Maybe this would have been ok 30 or 40 years ago, but it DEFINITELY isn't now. Hell, it should NEVER be ok. If the boy didn't want his lunch, then leave him be. If he gets hungry, then oh well. He threw it out. He can eat at home.

Reporters tried to interview the teacher, but she was out "sick." Uh huh.

Dad of the year pleads guilty

Josef Fritzl, the Austrian who imprisoned his daughter for 24 years and had seven kids with her pleaded guilty on all charges brought against him.

I see this as turning into a Law and Order episode soon.

Who is ballsy and an idiot? AIG!

AIG has been in the news everywhere lately. The company got a more than $170 billion bailout from the US government. Why? Because they've had several leaders who made bad choices and ended up barely alive. So, the government decided to help them out.

With Obama and his watch dogs keeping a close eye on how the money is spent, you'd think the company would be straight as an arrow with how it handles the money. Because, essentially they don't own the company anymore--the American taxpayers do. Yep. We own 80% of AIG. So, technically we are the majority shareholders and all decision making should be put to a vote with our approval right? HA!

With the more than $170 billion of OUR money, a bunch of executives got bonuses. The bonuses totaled up to be $165 million! That's $165 million of OUR money! AIG paid 73 employees bonuses of more than $1 million each. The largest was $6.4 million.

I'm in agreement with a lot of opinions out there--if you're company is doing bad, you don't accept or give out bonuses. The top executives are the last ones that should be accepting the money.

This might be a bit harsh, but I'm also in agreement with Iowa Sen. Charles Grassley when he said that AIG executives should accept responsibility for the collapse of the company by quitting or killing themselves.

Here are two articles from CNN and TIME.

Money Woes? Pay to Get your Palm Read.

What can I say? At least they seem to be offering optimistic reassurances. If a good bit of economics is psychology, they might be doing their part for the good of Wall Street.

For a small fee, of course.




Psychics Make a Fortune During Uncertain Economic Times

http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2009-03-15-psychics_N.htm

"Valerie Morrison has less time for love these days. The Philadelphia psychic says clients who once obsessed about romantic prospects are too worried about their economic future.

Executives inquire about layoffs. Restaurateurs ask if people will still go out to eat. Homeowners want real estate tips.

"They ask me if this (recession) is going to turn around or become even worse," says Morrison, a seer since age 7, when she says she foresaw an aunt's death. "I say chicken pox gets worse before it gets better. Do not panic."

Anecdotal evidence indicates that psychics, astrologers, palm readers, Tarot card shufflers, numerologists and other paranormal specialists have become the rage as investment advisers and brokers appear clueless. After all, if the times aren't normal, why not try the paranormal?"

Obama Wants Wounded Vets to Pay for Healthcare

So apparently the Obama administration is unconcerned about throwing around an ungodly amount of taxpayer money for things like overseas abortions, new furniture for the Department of Homeland Security headquarters ($248 million, to be exact), and TV converter box coupons ($650 million). But when it comes to treating war injuries sustained by veterans, suddenly cutting cost seems important?

According to CNN, "Veterans Affairs Secretary Eric Shinseki confirmed Tuesday that the Obama administration is considering a controversial plan to make veterans pay for treatment of service-related injuries with private insurance."

Read the rest of the story here.

Wife tries to inseminate wife

A couple in Pittsburgh ended up in a fight after Stephanie K. Lighten, 26, came home drunk and tried to inseminate her wife, Jennifer A. Lighten, 33, (they got married in Massachusetts) with a turkey baster.

You've got to read the full article on the Boston Herald. I'll never look at a turkey baster the same way.

Go ahead and grab yourself a boob

The Japanese are famous for coming up with crazy stuff. Lately, the country has an obsession with breasts. There's B2UP Gum and there's F-cup Cookies, not to mention a whole range of beliefs in herbs and posture.

Do you remember those toy vending machine with the big claw? Well, now there's one made with boobs in it. I wonder if this machine gets you excited when it grabs one (no pun intended) and then lets it go. It'll bring back memories when you were trying to go for the fuzzy dice.

If that doesn't work for you, you can always order squeezable boobs online.

One more video

I'm sorry. I have to post this. He's just psycho!!

Happiness is only a hair flip away

I heart my marriage

Bradley Gellert, a 32 year old man from Florida was arrested for domestic battery wearing a t-shirt that said "I (heart) MY MARRIAGE."

He strangled his wife, but she managed to break free and ran to the nearest police station.

The t-shirt was a promotional item for the Christian movie Fireproof, starring Kirk Cameron.

See The Smoking Gun for the full article.

How about getting a tattoo on your eyeball

There are all kinds of tattoos. There's the typical tattoo on your body (arms, legs, back, etc.), cosmetic tattoos like eyeliner and lip liner, some people use tattoos to cover up unsightly scars, and there are people who take it to the extreme.

The latest trend in Oklahoma City is getting the sclera (which is the white part of your eye) tattooed. Now, I have a tattoo on the small of my back. It took 45 minutes to do. I cried like a baby during the whole process and afterwards! I swore up and down that it's got to be right up there with child birth pain, but this has got me beat hands down. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like. Besides, I'm wondering who would be brave enough to perform the procedure! What happens if they get a twitch in their arm? "Oooops! I just put your eyeball out. Sorry 'bout that man."

Lawmakers are trying to make it illegal to do though. I wonder how successful this bill will be in preventing the tattoos.

So your baby girl doesn't have enough hair? Worry no longer!

There's a site that's selling Baby Bangs. Yes, baby bangs. They're making these things because apparently girl babies look too much like boy babies.

This is their philosophy to the left of a HUGE quote saying "I'm not a boy!"
__________________________________________________________________

Our Philosophy
At Baby Bangs! we believe in the beauty of childhood. Our unique designs are sprinkled with MAGIC! ~inspiring a world of whimsical wonder and mystical magical memorable moments for you and your baby girl to cherish Forever! For she is, and always will be,
Your LiTTLe PRINCESS!

__________________________________________________________________

But aren't babies supposed to have peach fuzz on their heads? Isn't that what makes them cute? Sure sometimes they all look the same, but there is a great invention called gender specific clothes. You can buy boy and girl clothes you know. Boy clothes have cute little trucks and dinosaurs on them, and girl clothes are pink and purple with fairies and princesses.

I guess if that doesn't satisfy you, you can always buy these ugly looking things for about $30.

Cruelty to vegetables

You all remember Chris Crocker with his hissy fit on YouTube about leaving Britney Spears alone right?

Well, have a look at his clip about vegetables. I couldn't help but laugh when he says God doesn't create water. It's around the 1:30 mark.

Man mistakes woman for monkey, shoots her

A man in Malaysia mistook his female neighbor for a monkey and shot her. His neighbor was picking sapodilla fruit from a tree in his yard.

How do you mistake a woman for a monkey? I Googled the sapodilla fruit tree to see what it looks like. Granted it does look like it can have some thick foliage, but still. If it sounded like someone or something was in the tree, don't you think the man would have investigated it first? Maybe he could have walked around the tree to see if it really was a monkey?

Full article here.

Let's rob a tae kwon do studio

Desperate times call for desperate measures right? People will rob any place and anyone but would you try to rob a tae kwon do studio? You see these people break bricks and blocks of wood with their foreheads for shits and giggles!

This guy thought he could do it though.

Deadly body art

Read this! WTF?!

Driving a car with three wheels is so subtle

Every time I watch COPS, it seems like they're ALWAYS in Clearwater, Florida. Seriously, they're in Clearwater at least once in every episode!

A guy who was driving a car with three wheels was caught by the police, and his blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit! Did he think that driving a car with three wheels is normal?

This story explains why COPS is always in Clearwater.

Yeah your drugs will be safe in a safe

Read the article for yourself and make your own judgments.

Six hurt at America's Next Top Model audition

I admit that I'm addicted to America's Next Top Model. The cat fights on the show are hilarious! Although, I'm not a fan when the judges make fun of the hopeful models to their faces during judging. Not to mention, I'm definitely not a fan of Tyra's cheesy messages.

Anyways, at the next cycle's audition in Manhattan, a HUGE cat fight broke out. Cops don't know what caused it yet, but it probably involved some girl saying she's prettier than the other, someones such a bitch, and blah blah blah. Six people ended up getting hurt at this audition!

Article is here.