"I'm stealing vodka, call the cops"

A Vero Beach, Florida man walked up to a liquor store counter to report a crime — the one he was about to commit.

Michael Anthony Sessions, 49, grabbed a bottle of Gilbey’s Vodka from the liquor store and told the cashier he wasn’t paying for it.

“I’m stealing this and going around back to drink it,” Sessions told the woman Thursday. “Call the cops.”

An Indian River County Sheriff’s deputy found Sessions in the woods behind the store, drinking the $16 bottle of vodka. The deputy charged Sessions with retail theft and took him to the Indian River County Jail, where he remained Monday in lieu of a $500 bail.

Teaching class while drunk

I've had hangovers in class while I was in college, but I've never been drunk. Well, I don't think I was still drunk. I've certainly never carried a flask with me either.

A fourth grade substitute teacher in Minnesota did. The teacher was caught with a bottle of Phillips Vodka. First of all, I have never heard of Phillips. I've heard of Smirnoff, Reyka, Tanqueray Sterling, Ketel One (which a friend of mine swore was the only vodka that didn't give her a hangover), Van Gogh, Grey Goose, and Stoli's.

Anyways, this brilliant person who is teaching our future while drunk, was NOT arrested. Why? I have no idea, but they should've been. The name of the sub should've been released along with a photo and plastered all over the local news. The sub should be blacklisted from teaching until that person has a completed rehab.

Full article is here.